Parker

• Robbery | (5 out of 5, 5 votes)
  The turd burglar is back in town. He just stole something of mine, but I don’t want it back. And it stinks terribly in this stall.
• Stigmata | (5 out of 5, 3 votes)
  I just exorcised my ass demons. The demons stink badly, and seem to want to linger within the confines of the bathroom.
• Tax Troubles | (4.83 out of 5, 6 votes)
  The IRS just conducted an ass audit on me. Turns out my ass was writing checks it couldn’t cash, and was making illegal deposits into a sludge fund.
• Revenge of the Turds | (4.75 out of 5, 8 votes)
  I just shot a movie called Revenge of the Turds: Spicy Revenge, starring Jerry McHotlog and Rod Burnsonwayout.
• Political Strife | (4.71 out of 5, 7 votes)
  There appears to be social strife between the pooletariat and turdourgeoisie. Even Karl Marx wouldn’t support this ass struggle.

Tim

• ACT Convention | (5 out of 5, 3 votes)
  The annual Association of Colored Turds convention is underway right now; my ass just delivered the keynote.
• It Might Be Their Only Chance.. | (4.67 out of 5, 3 votes)
  I just took the Browns to the Superbowl.
• Man from Nantucket | (4.5 out of 5, 4 votes)
  There once was a man from Nantucket, whose mornings were spent on a bucket. His wife’s famous roast always seasoned his post, and made his butt so raw you could shuck it.
• Turd Ferguson | (4.5 out of 5, 4 votes)
  I just had a quick meeting with Turd Ferguson, and I think things are pretty solid now. There are a few bumps in his exit strategy, but on the hole, things smell terrific.
• Jamaican Bobsled Team | (4.5 out of 5, 2 votes)
  The Jamaican bobsled team just slid down the luge, and made great time. Unfortunately, they overshot the finish line, and are now drowning in stinky water.

Bryan

• Ice Cream Anyone? | (4.8 out of 5, 5 votes)
  The chocolate soft serve machine is acting up again…You might want it in a cup vs. a cone.
• At-Sea Burial | (4.67 out of 5, 9 votes)
  I’ve just laid to rest some honorable brown-mariners in the White Sea. Their pass-through was one of ease and tranquility…RIP, valient soldiers.
• A Driver’s Perspective | (4.6 out of 5, 5 votes)
  I’m in lane 3 at the Building 15 De-Crap-Athon. I thought I had just pulled ahead by a nugget, but lane 1 exploded past me to take the lead. This stinks!
• Disappointment…No, Wait! | (4.5 out of 5, 4 votes)
  Here I set, broken-hearted…tried to crap, but only….Oops, never mind!
• Toffee Treats | (4 out of 5, 3 votes)
  Toffee, toffee…what a treat. <br />Too bad it’s chewy, and sticks in your teeth. <br />I just released some as I stomped my feet…<br />And now I just realized, there is no TP in this stall. <br />

Zach

• Jack and Jill | (4.5 out of 5, 2 votes)
  Jack and Jill went up the hill to take a large dump. Jack fell down and rolled around, now he smells like shit.
• Count Dracula | (4.5 out of 5, 2 votes)
  One stinky winky…ah ah ah.<br />Two stinky winky…ah ah ah.<br />Three … Ah…<br />That’s just nasty.<br />
• My Old Buddy John | (4.43 out of 5, 7 votes)
  I saw John today, so I gave him shit.
• The Early Bird | (4.33 out of 5, 3 votes)
  If the early bird figures out how find/catch the worm that just came out in a dark place, where it is cold and wet and musty, I’ll shoot it.
• Escaped Prisoners | (4 out of 5, 3 votes)
  The Butt Police just announced that two prisoners from Bootiecatrez have escaped, and are swimming across the golden white lake to shore. Their chances are slim, as they are fat and loaded down with c…

Andrew

• Sweet Angel | (4.5 out of 5, 2 votes)
  He is beckoned once more to a most-familiar knock on the door. He is greeted by the sweet angel of his youth. He presses forth and is enveloped within a cool, refreshing embrace. They are destined to …
• Wimbledon | (4 out of 5, 2 votes)
  Here we are, gathered at the championship match of the Pooalota Open Tennis Extravaganza, where Olong Terdova and Chuck Splatt have hotly contested this matter to a 5th and final set. Each are deliver…
• Ol’ Number 7 | (4 out of 5, 2 votes)
  Ol’ number 7 is once again bringing up the rear. At a steady pace, she is rounding the outside. Clippity, cloppity, clippity, cloppity. With a final surge, ol’ number 7 makes a final push and thrusts …
• Ned Flowers and the HazMat Suit | (3.5 out of 5, 2 votes)
  What was to be a harmless sneeze turned into disaster for Ned Flowers. A quick venture into stall number one has hastened the discovery of the carnage within his pants. Needless to say, ol’ Ned left w…
• A Birthday Pinata | (3.5 out of 5, 2 votes)
  All the children were assembled at the pinata, their tiny faces aglow with delightful anticipation of what the pinata would offer. With a resounding whack, little Jose leveled knockout blow to the sus…