The San Diego gasman is here. Apparently there is a bad leak in my building.

I just bought an Oldsmobile Brougham last week.

That’s funny…somebody left two Baby Ruth bars in the toilet. It just be my lucky day, as I am starving. Wait…those definitely are not candy bars.
They are turds…and they are mine.

The turd burglar has returned to town once again, yet I cannot seem to remember why. Oh wait..I know why. He wants to take my turd. That’s why.

Roses are red, violets are blue.
I sit in this stall
with nothing but
remorse, as the damn toilet will not flush and I feel bad for Juan the custodian.

Frank just dumped his hedge fund (and by hedge fund, I mean smelly turd, and by Frank, I mean me).

Life is like a turd sandwich: all soft on the outside…and on the inside. Life seems to look like a hot lunch sloppy joe, but it’s not. I just created a turd sandwich, hold the buns.

After a 24 hour gestation period, the fledgling bean burrito finally crowns the rectal gate, surprisingly looking unchanged through its remarkable journey…but this was a water birth gone wrong, as the burrito floats motionless in the water. It is dead, and God save the queen.

There once was a man called Pips,who was said to have many intestinal polyps.
His gut started to tumble,
and then followed with a rumble,
until his pants were left with a large mess of syrup.

There appears to be social strife between the pooletariat and turdourgeoisie. Even Karl Marx wouldn’t support this ass struggle.

After an overly ambitious air biscuit, I quickly realized I needed to reclaim the throne and release the chocolate hostages.

The Nigerian water polo team is playing for the Toilet Bowl in the first annual Stall Three WP Tournament. Unfortunately, they are stinking up the joint.

While sitting in this stall, I almost became ROCKET MAN after releasing a PUDDLE OF MUDD. Do I have to let it LINGER? Enough of this. I am off to do a SAFETY DANCE.

I just blew an O-ring on my exhaust manifold. For some reason, there is an overwhelming amount of methane gas, coupled with extraordinary amounts of particulate matter. This is the EPA’s worst nightmare.

After going to the fair I noted that chocolate covered bananas are a popular treat. Well I just made two chocolate covered ass bananas and now don’t really see what all the hype is about.

My buttmouth just ate some funky brownies then started to buttbelch and buttbarf them back out. I tried to hold back butt just couldn’t.

The IRS just conducted an ass audit on me. Turns out my ass was writing checks it couldn’t cash, and was making illegal deposits into a sludge fund.

I just launched a series of scud missiles over the yellow sea. I wasn’t aiming for anything in particular, and I suspect I had some defective missiles as some exploded before hitting the water.

I just shot a movie called Revenge of the Turds: Spicy Revenge, starring Jerry McHotlog and Rod Burnsonwayout.

The turd burglar is back in town. He just stole something of mine, but I don’t want it back. And it stinks terribly in this stall.

I just made a fresh batch of buttmuffins if there is any interest. They smell a little funky, and probably don’t taste very good.